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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27998148">run with the headlights on</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/acheybones/pseuds/acheybones'>acheybones</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Captain America Sam Wilson, Codependency, Established Relationship, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Language, Not Beta Read, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Steve Rogers, but mild codependency, it's a trauma response</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:02:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,065</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27998148</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/acheybones/pseuds/acheybones</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"You're white-knuckling pretty hard over there, Barnes." Steve's voice isn't accusatory or sad, it never is, his tone just manages to be observant.</p><p>Bucky swallows but doesn't say anything. Steve's thumb strokes over his knee.</p><p>"Pull over, let me drive for awhile." He says, voice still soft.</p><p>+ </p><p>or, Steve returns the stones, comes back to Bucky, and promptly retires. Bucky is convinced it's his fault.</p><p>(title from "chateau" by joshua radin)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>127</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>run with the headlights on</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>inspired by prompt #1: "pull over, let me drive for awhile" on tumblr user p0ck3tf0x "100 ways to say i love you" post: https://p0ck3tf0x.tumblr.com/post/98502010026/one-hundred-ways-to-say-i-love-you</p><p>i missed writing the two pretty best friends. i hope you enjoy ❤️</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steve tells Bucky that he's leaving the Avengers over dinner, and Bucky isn't entirely sure he heard him correctly. </p><p>
  <em>It had been three weeks since Steve returned the stones, and Bucky had worked himself into more than one panic attack by his lonesome that Steve wouldn't make it back. Fuck, maybe he'd enlist in Vietnam this trime.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm turning in the shield, Buck. I'm passing it on to Sam and settling down."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oh, come on, Stevie, you don't look a day over 100." Bucky jokes, because he doesn't believe for a minute that his stubborn partner would ever back down from a fight.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Steve pushes his asparagus around on his plate for a minute before he drops his fork and takes Bucky's wrist in his hand, the plates of the sleek, black metal whirring to register the feeling.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm serious." Steve waits until Bucky's eyes meet his, Bucky chewing much too thoughtfully on a piece of chicken while he does. </em>
</p><p><em>"I've already thought I lost you twice, I can't let that happen again. My whole life, it's always been you. I can't imagine a life without you in it, and I want to spend the rest of the life I have with you without worrying I'll be called away for months at a time</em> <em>and having to think about you in this apartment by yourself. Isn't this what you want too?"</em></p><p>
  <em>"Of course I want you, Steve. I've only ever wanted a life with you, but-" Bucky has to stop himself from saying "you were made to carry the shield", because he knows that in a fucked up way, that's exactly right. "But I don't want you to give up your own fight to fight mine."</em>
</p><p>For a while, Bucky is sure Steve isn't thinking clearly. Not because he doesn't think Sam is capable, because God, Bucky isn't sure he knows a more capable man. Still, all he can see is Steve, seconds from being sent back in time and Bucky's heart breaking with the possibility that this time is the time his lover doesn't come home. He feels selfish at the idea that Steve is giving up the shield.</p><p>
  <em> While Sam is coming up to New York from D.C., unbeknownst to him that he's about to inherit the Captain America mantle, Bucky paces in their bedroom for so long that Steve worries he'll go right through the floor.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What 'cha doing, Buck?" Steve's leaning against the door frame, a kitchen towel haphazardly thrown over his shoulder proof that Bucky's pacing has distracted Steve from making their dinner.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Nothing." Bucky says quickly, forcing himself to still by putting his weight against their chest of drawers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Steve sighs, tosses the towel on his shoulder into their laundry basket by the door, and makes his way to sit on the foot of their bed. He looks up at his partner and Bucky tries not to think about how sad his eyes are.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Do you not want me to do this?" Steve asks, because being subtle has never been his strong suit.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I don't want to be the reason you do it." Bucky whispers so quietly that he knows Steve wouldn't be able to hear it without his enhanced body. Back when Bucky thought he was lucky every day that Steve's heart didn't give out, or when the cashier behind the counter at the corner store would give him a wink and ask about his "best girl" when Bucky would buy a bar of chocolate or a flower on his way home from the docks.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Bucky tries to remind himself that things are different now, but he still feels like an anchor tied to Steve, holding him back for all eternity.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Steve reaches a hand out to Bucky, but Bucky doesn't look over at him. He desperately wants to curl in on his six foot frame, have Shuri put him back in cryo so that Steve doesn't have to worry about him. It doesn't work.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"May I touch you?" Steve asks, hand still outstretched. Bucky gives a shaky nod, and Steve's hand worms it's way around Bucky's waist, gently pulling him down and pressing a kiss to his forehead.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You know you don't have to fight with me." Steve mumbles into Bucky's temple.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"'M not fighting with you." Bucky picks at a cuticle on his flesh hand. He thinks he might have had a nail-biting habit from hell back in the day, but it's hard to remember a time without the weight on his left side.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You're fighting yourself. You're shutting me out." Steve tries again. "We don't have to talk."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Something shifts in Bucky when the pressure comes off, and Steve knows it.</em>
</p><p><em>"It.... it might. Be nice." Bucky</em> <em>mutters. Steve rubs slow circle patterns on his back as a silent encouragement.</em></p><p>
  <em>"I'mworriedthatyou'reretiringbecauseofme." Bucky rushes before he swallows the words back down. "I don't- don't want that."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What do you want, babydoll?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's really the billion dollar question. Bucky doesn't have a definitive answer. To remember his life with Steve before he got drafted, to go off his medication for good, to feel like he's good enough for the golden man holding him in warm arms.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Want you to be happy."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What made you think retiring wouldn't make me happy?" Steve asks, holding Bucky's jaw so he has to meet his eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Again, Bucky doesn't have a definitive answer.</em>
</p><p>After Sam takes the shield, and the metaphorical title, Steve decides that him and Bucky need to get away for awhile, and rents a cottage in the Catskills. Bucky insists on driving, something about Steve learning to drive in WWII Germany, and the ride is quiet. When they're an hour out of Brooklyn, Steve reaches over the center console and puts a hand on Bucky's knee.</p><p>"You're white-knuckling pretty hard over there, Barnes." Steve's voice isn't accusatory or sad, it never is, his tone just manages to be observant.</p><p>Bucky swallows but doesn't say anything. Steve's thumb strokes over his knee.</p><p>"Pull over, let me drive for awhile." He says, voice still soft.</p><p>Bucky thinks for a minute about it, because he knows what Steve is asking. It's not about the car, it's about Steve giving permission for Bucky to let him lead. For Steve to care for Bucky the way Bucky has done for him for a century.</p><p>And, maybe that's okay. So, Bucky pulls over.</p>
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